Happy Birthday Ibu

And 100 reason why I am so grateful having you as  A MOTHER

Last week was my Mom 60th birthday, everyone was back to hometown to celebrate with her.

(My little brother took day off and taking overnight train to be with them)

except me....

I had my ticket purchased, but I was denied to fly to Indonesia because some of the paper which should be attached to my passport was taken by the company manager (big bummer).

There you are, I was completely heart broken and sad.

I called my Mom to wish happy birthday and apologize for not be there on her big day. She said thank you and apologize back to me.

Apologize? apologize for what.

She was apologize for never celebrate our birthday.

Yes, me and all of my siblings. We never had any birthday wishes, birthday cake, birthday presents or birthday party from my parent.

And now when she getting older (apparently their mind start crawling down to childish period) they start understand how big the value of having celebration among the families, and how deep it meant to us.

She regretted, she wished she could back to the time and redo all for us.

When she apologized I thought this is the time for me to stop moan and picking up an old sore back to conversation and just leave them go

And to look back of all the goodness she's been nonstop doing to five of us.

The more Im thinking about the positive side about my Mom,

the more I should be thankful why I born in that family

1. She always proud of me. Regardless what I've done, I never heard my Mom complaining or said something negative about me (well, except my weight and my fashion taste). Rather than that she never see me as disappointment.

2. She taught me the joy of process.

I still clearly remember she always encourage us to join some competition(from singing, dancing, poetry reading in local radio, to stupid eating crackers competition). She wont take notice who we beat or how big the other participant are. She gave a very powerful words "Just try... Doesn't matter you lose or win. We all count the braveness rather than the prize"

"Ikut saja, kalah nggak apa-apa. Yang penting berani tanding" she and my eldest brother will sat at the front audience seat, nonstop give me thumbs up.

Indirectly she taught us that being a winner is not the point of the competition, but the joy of swam to get it. Ten years later I realized that many times I perform embarrassingly and people still laugh about it. I often accused my Mom from purposely giving me a life embarrassment.

3. When you not sure, just say YES as an answer and figure out the shit later.

(As long as its not a crime or life threatening)

This motto become part of me right now.

4. We don't choose a friend. However we need to classify them like we arrange book in library. Because of that "motto" I had kind of weird version teenager-hood.

I never really have a good friend or "gang" just like any other teenager girl in the school.

5. We born alone, we die alone. We success or fail alone.

Again, we talking about friends. She keep taught me to not attached to people (friends), they come and go anyway. She built me into independent individualistic Bitch, which not many people in the College like me. I have no friends, I have no hang out gang, or study group.

I did my stuff alone. I was a lonely cow tho... but somehow I am quite grateful that my individuality give me ability to create my own adventure.

6. Life is about turning food into shit

"Whether you ate beef curry or cold steamed spinach, it will turn out as the same shit on the next day"

It taught us to not being picky, either I like or dislike the food. I shall just swallow them without complaining because on the next day whatever we ate, just gone into toilet bowl anyway.

In other day, she will stir the word into 

"People wont respect you because you eating expensive food daily, they wont look you down because you eating tofu. They see you from the way you think and present yourself"

"So don't moan to much if I cook cheap food too often. because I have to save money to pay the school. To make you smart (so you present yourself better)"

" And don't be a fool, nutritious and expensive food are two different thing"

On the next moment she will use the same thing again, for different occasion. 

"Two people, one eat fried chicken, one eat tofu. On the next day, they have the similar shit"

"Cow and Goat, both eating grass. On the next day, they have two totally different shit"

Its not how much your pocket money is, its not how shiny your shoes are, its not how great the car send and pick you every day. Sometimes the person who go to school riding bike turn more successful than the other. Because he choose to be a goat (smart, working hard, study hard) rather than being a cow (stupid).

more and more "harsh" words my Mom taught me.

And built into who I am right now.

Thank you and happy birthday Mom...

I wish you taught me how to be sweet, that would make the life bit easier lol....

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